Growing up in what could be the best family you can end up in means, you view your older siblings and your parents as idols. Beings incapable of mistakes. But as you grow older and I think thats also a part of growing older, is realizing that they’re just human at the end of the day.

As flawed as you are and as lost as you are. All of this sounds trite but it is still such a big realization for me even though i’ve heard of this so many times.

Grow up as the youngest sibling in a family of four with very high achieving siblings and as you grow older you realize how much of you is shaped by your siblings. And the struggle to try to form your own identity sounds like a dumbass problem that is kinda similar to “discovering myself”.

But honestly it really is hard trying to find orignality in yourself when you realize a lot of your parts are just borrowed from others. You could argue thats the case for everyone, a tapestry of all the people we meet and see, physically or through the medium of bits and bytes. But when your borrowed parts are so viscerally visible infront of you then it gets harder.

And as you slowly find your own footing in the world and in your identity realizing that the borrowed parts you thought were pretty cool had flaws. That your idealized version of yours wasnt ever that ideal. And as you look at your siblings and your parents and see them for who they are, the realization of parts lacking in them, parts you dont really want to take up.

I dont really know where Im going with this but just the stark contrast from how as a kid you want to completely emulate this human being to growing up and realizing there are some parts you’re glad that you dont have of them.

A gradient of the person. I think this realization also sets them free, free of the expectations and it makes interactions with you a lot easier. when you see the other as a simple human, maybe it is easier for the other person to connect with you as a human too.

Woow all of this sounds like some wordcel manipulation but i swear there’s something in here that I am unable to bring out through these words. The lived experience that I am trying to pass onto every person that comes in contact with these words.