We live the journeys of our siblings in ways that are impossible to describe… we feel the joy, the pain, the accomplishments, and the disappointments with a frequency and intensity that we sometimes ourselves are not conscious of……
– Uroosakacamera (IG)
Visiting my brother this winter in canada was special and I think different. And I think it was also the first time this happened in our family. For a while I think it was hard to describe what about it was exactly the “first time”. We’d lived together not just during childhood but adulthood as well, covid na lu. So it wasn’t really the spending time part that was a first. And I think I can finally articulate a bit of it now.
I think this was the first time where one of us was entering the space and the life of another sibling. I think before this we have and most prolly will always live our lives in silos. By the context and the environment itself, we have never stepped foot into each other’s lives outside of home. Even though having studied abroad for high school and college meant that a huge significant chunk of our formative years is in someplace else.
And being unable to visit them means that the only form of communication is through a small 6 inch screen. The only glimpse into their lives is through the conversations that happen on the hour long video calls and even then most of the vc is just us talking about random things and not really about the life we are living.
Being able to visit him was being able to picture how he spent most of his days. How his community there looked like, how big of a part pickleball plays in his current phase(lmao), and also getting to know Olita and her family.
O asked me what is the most wonderfilled part of your life. And I answered that it’s when you realize the person next to you is living a completely different life and if only you could switch places with them you would get to live out a completely different world, one with different but same struggles, a whole host of different people but the same dynamics and a whole different perspective on the same world.
I think I’ve always wondered what that would be like, to just fill someone else’s shoes and observe them go about their daily life and to witness all the small & big interactions. And I think I got a glimpse of what that would look like.
My time there felt like I was transported to my brother’s world. Sunday brunches with the kids and O’s family, pickleball on Thursdays, and just chilling on the couch and talking. It is true you feel the life of your siblings with a frequency and intensity that maybe we are not consciously aware of. Even as I articulate all of this, I am unable to fully flesh out the deep tug in my heart or haven’t gotten the sense of relief of getting the words out. It still feels like there are somethings I am unable to convey and the intensity of it but I guess that’s just how somethings are meant to be.