turned 24 man. Birthdays are always a mixed bag, id prefer if i never remembered and just went about it with no fucks given. But because I do its never a good day. I dont expect anything from anyone but then there is a small bug in the back of my mind thinking “oh shit” what if there is something someone is planning.

And I know thats really not the case. And just expecting messages from certain people. Whenver you expect something it is not nice man. especially from something that is animate and one not in your control.

But overall though birthdays aren’t that serious, i’ve never celebrated it at home and i like it when im at home for birthdays. Cause I can just disappear and take the day for introspection and I dont have to feel like a loser infront of others for not having a plan or birthday bash.

Cause honestly I dont like those either and dont want to have those, but I phucking feel like a loser when someone asks whats the plan and I say “nothing?”.

I think I could tie this back to when i was a kid as well, i say kid but in my pubescent years: lungtenzampa ish time na lu. I really wanted to be that popular kid. Wanted to get a lotta likes, wanted a lotta people to wish me happy birthday with nice pictures and a lotta captions. But growing older i seem to have become the complete opposite.

I’ve turned off my birthday notifications so that people don’t really know its my birthday. I only ever expect messages from my family and one or two friends. Well this year I wanted it from someone special but well she didnt message me so I guess so much for expecting.

In that sense things have taken such a 180 flip, but I do have a ritual i’ve set up for my birthday and I honestly enjoy it. What i’ve been upto now is i usually take the day to journal to think about where im going what im doing blabbity bla. And then take a bottle of whiskey at night with some sushi. Pretty fire night i’d say.

there is also a sense of dread now though, im approaching 30 and this financial level is not something I wanna be stuck with at 30. I need more money.

thats it for this birthday post. Here really do be somethings I learned though

• put 3 things together so you dont forget them
• try different haircuts, cause haircuts do be 90% of looking good for men
• also lowkey found my style. its a mix of the places i’ve been to and the people ive been with
• take care of them piercings.

i want to write more but cant be bothered. peacee!!